Self Torment

When I think of all those nights,

spent crying into my pillow,

because you will never be mine,

and all of those times I sat there

so close to you,

but felt  like I was too far away,

Every time I dared to look back

because seeing you smile was worth the risk

of you noticing me

and when I went home I couldn’t hold back every single tear,

some fell anyway,

leaving my heart just a shell,

pumping blood but feeling nothing

I wondered why I did this.

Why I purposely go out of my way

to make sure you don’t know

that every heart beat strains

just to be with you.